The Best High Ever

            Whatever the course ends up authentically being, I think the key is to not slumber in waking life. To not be hypnotized and tied up by the pretty light show of all that is happening in this terribly dangerously beautiful dimension, but to remember and actualize our purpose and intention behind coming here. To master this space by mastering ourselves.

            What does that look like for each person, though?

            I assume that there are as many mastery methods as there are people. But I do suspect that the space I reach when I am deeply breathing (a challenge in itself to hold more than a minute or two) has to do with it. Coming fully, deliciously into the present moment, over and over and over again, lights the world that is “seen” with an inner illumination that can only be likened to states of being that are enhanced by chemicals of some form or another.

            True Presence is the best high ever.

            And rather than numbing you down into your body or shuttling you out of it, the altered state given by focus and attention on the lines between consciousness and physicality (namely, breath and attention) provides you with a key.

            A key to see through the illusion.

            I’ve been practicing this – for me personally, it does also have to do with the way I focus my eyes – a sort of looking “through” things that I have historically only allowed to happen when doing an intuitive healing reading or other type of non-3D-limited work. But considering that I am my most Whole when I am doing this work, why in the world had I limited my full self to the “office?”

            What was I afraid of?

            That’s an easy one to answer. I’ve been afraid of freaking people out, of them thinking I see things they may want to keep hidden (which of course I do) and of being all alone.

            Well, here’s a wake up call – aloneness comes when aloneness comes, no matter what camouflage you wear.

            And so does connection, and deep beautiful communion on many levels.

            But it is sure that the connection and communion that can gloriously blast through awareness and change everything to bring in greater expansion of this Universe we’re squeezing into finds it a more difficult path in if you are pretending to be less than you are…

            Today is the day to try it, methinks.

The Present Storm

        Let me take a look into the ethers to find some direction.

        I see a storm swirling all around me – some of the damage I sustain as a result is my doing because of my resistance and unwillingness to let bones fall as they may, but much of the storm itself is due to the pure energetic “weather” sweeping the worlds I reside in at this time. Okay. What is in the storm? It is indigo in color, shot through with golden lightning and silver rain, beating down old structures that have stood for ages upon ages and renewing the land beneath, toppling fortresses and towers made of meme and paradigm, even decimating places such as epic gardens and blooming walkways, all being cleared for the formation of something completely new.

        What will this thing be?

        …

        I am not allowed to see yet. For now, there is only the storm.

        So how to navigate such a thing?

       Obviously no external source of support can be trusted. Not because of treachery, but because of the strength and fury of this time of change. No umbrella can survive this. Whatever force is knocking down millennia-old towers of thought forms’ stone and mortar will pulverize any small, temporary (or even less small and less temporary) rain shelter that one may seek safety under.

        So grasping for any anchor outside of oneself is a fool’s errand. Okay. What other option is there? To look within, of course.

        The image that comes to mind is of one curling downward, sitting on haunches, head down, arms around knees, back curved, breathing in the still air made by the heart-filled cave between chest and chin, waiting. Feeling the storm lash and wail around the tiny space of sanctuary created by one’s own body (in this case, one’s own vibrational pattern,) but choosing instead to focus on the space of safety created by the sureness, strength, and motionless calm created by the choice to remain steadfast in the mist of such a transitional force. If one lifts her or his head to look around and focus on what is happening to objects, people, or places that are outside oneself, that head (a.k.a. that center and clarity of thought presence) can get whipped off in the debris flying about, or by the pure energy itself. To keep one’s head, maybe just for today, it must be kept quiet.

       I see. I see that old beliefs, old structures that were constructed by ourselves or others made of paradigms, expectations and understandings of “how the world works” on ALL levels, are being cleared. What will come next – that I can’t see. We have to wait until the storm shouts itself out and wet streaks of sun break that presently impenetrable indigo cloud barrier. And we can’t expect to be able to trust any one other than ourselves at this time as a source of support and inspiration. This isn’t reason to feel alone – but it is reason to feel strong. 

      Mostly because no other choice exists.

Rewriting the Empath

            This morning I do feel slightly different. I feel as if I am pushing through a transition, one that is difficult to describe but that is also giving way before me, slowly but surely, unveiling a new way of living, of being, of thinking, feeling, and experiencing the world. And the world itself is changing too, as well as my place in it.

            I used to wonder if I could hold the responsibility and charge that I could feel headed toward me. I think that this was an unconscious fear – one that I never quite let arise to the surface of my thoughts, but that only bubbled and swirled deep within. Now, I feel confident, from experimenting (and mostly seeing how frustrated interactions are when I DO “play small” and people assume me to be less than I am) that I can in fact complete my next mission. I test it from time to time, allowing the thought forms in any given area – a grocery store, a restaurant, a city square – to merge together into one flavor of varied, yet unified thoughts and feeling. In my olden days, this “noise” deafened and confused me. I remember afternoons spent lying in bed, staring at the ceiling, drifting in and out of consciousness with a pain that no one around me understood, all as a result of simply spending a few hours in a crowded place. Now I can name that feeling. Empathic overload. The lines are too stretched, and rubbed raw by the fears, worries, rage, and disappointments of others. If everyone went around swimming in gratitude and enjoyment, the backlash wouldn’t be a backlash at all. But historically, we haven’t reached that place quite yet.

            In trying to describe what this feels like, I often reference radio static. Because I’ve devoted my life to it over past years, my intuition and “reading” ability has increased to the point where I could potentially pick anyone in any crowd and give you a low-down on their situation, and their feelings about life  - their “flavor,” so to speak. Sometimes I practice this ability in traffic by reading the person driving a car before I can see them, and then once they are visible to me, checking for accuracy by using visual cues and personality assessments the way they are taught in conventional psychology to see whether or not I was right when I received my impressions. At this point, my accuracy is pretty much 100%. Great. So those degrees were good for something at least. J

            Before I could control this, as I said, it was as if there was static all around me, all the time. Wait, who am I kidding – there is STILL static around me all the time. But it isn’t verbal, as in hearing a running stream of consciousness the way movies portray this type of thing. Rather, the static is made up of emotion. Of fears, judgments, worries, addictions, envies. This is because most people walk around in this state most of the time. And since it is as if I have no skin in this matter, and I can just feel what someone else is feeling, especially when I am in an enclosed space with them (don’t even get me started on conferences,) if there are people around I always feel a blurry jumble of subjective life experience that isn’t mine.

            This can be crippling. Historically, it was for me and it still is for many, many people. And I, too, have to work around this – I had to cut a day of errands short last week here in Portland, explaining to my father (one of the people I’m visiting here) that I was brushing up against empathic overload. We were headed into a coffee shop and I balked.

            “I just don’t think I can be in a small room filled with people right now,” I told him, my eyes filming over with unshed tears.

            He startled and looked more closely at me, and then agreed that the coffee stop would be canceled.

            Over the next few moments I explained to him how it’s basically just in my code to not only feel things, but to cleanse them with my aura –

            “I’m like a walking Brita filter. For emotion, and karma, and people’s journeys.”

            Which makes me great at my job, but hinders me at, you know, life.

            However.

            Now, I am reaching this new state where I am finally VISCERALLY FEELING what the other side of the empathic spectrum is.

            Put simply, it’s this:

    Remain in your awesomeness and everyone else will have no choice but to come too.

            A common misperception is that empaths need to change those around them in order to thrive.

            Nope.

            All you have to do is HOLD YOUR CORE VIBRATION, focusing on your breath, on your movement, on the easy smile on your face and how it is sending soothing chemical triggers to your brain and body, and choosing to mentally focus purely on the game – on the sensation of downloading in here, into this very intricate role playing hologram, and rocking your Avatar in your own specific, unique ways.

            In my experience, this is only half of it. I’m pressing up against the barrier of the next phase of my mission – one that will be more challenging than others, but also almost certainly will make all other rewards I’ve gotten on all levels pale in comparison.

            About a year and a half ago,  when my guides were adjusting and tweaking EVERY second of my life down to the way my foot hit the pavement and the angle to which I held my head (I’m not kidding,) I had a moment when I felt completely fed up and exhausted.

            “Come on. I need a freaking carrot here. Show me what I’m working towards.”

            And I did that familiar whoosh through time and space meditatively, until I was standing on a stage in front of a stadium full of people. I knew that this wasn’t the present “me” because although I was technically in what appeared to be the same body, I was SO much stronger – my meridians were lined with steel basically, flowing shining energy through more quickly than I’d ever experienced. My inner state was calm, happy, languid, and completely focused. I was speaking to the assembled group, and I had no clue what I was saying, even in the moment. This was because what I and everyone else were experiencing had nothing to do with English. I was interacting, verbally and energetically, with the complex, living, moving, fractal mass of consciousness floating in the middle of the stadium, made up of the combined thoughts, feelings, emotions, potentials, and gifts of each person there. It appeared to 3D eyes that I was speaking and that was it, but both I, and everyone there, could feel the truth. There was a massive healing and activation going on – and I wasn’t directing it, I had simply refined my form and structure enough to be a conduit for Divine source energy, that could pour through me, splash right into that beautiful behemoth mass of combined focus and consciousness, and then filter down through unique and living lines to each person seated before me, shifting and altering to give them exactly what they need.

            That is what I am training for, these long years.

            Well, one of the things.

            And it sounds pretty freaking fun, to be quite honest. I’ll take it.

            My guides assured me a few days ago that I’m closer now to my perfect potential reality than I ever have been before. I believe that. And while this current nomadic life certainly has its challenges (many of them having to do with breaking from ingrained cultural paradigms,) I won’t lie – it’s also pretty awesome.

A Note on Conscious Creation

When lines blur between fanciful imagination and true non-local multidimensional perception, one need only remember that the "reality" being experienced is a fluid and changeable one.
If imbued with principles of gratitude, desire, surrender, and love, then whatever is wished for or perceived will grow and develop in its "realness," should the perceived object, situation, relationship, or experience be in alignment with Cosmic clockwork.
This is further amplified if the perceptive and creative being in question has consciously chosen to align him or herself with the living evolution of our Universe in a joyful, pleasantly anticipatory way.

Should your creations abort or crumble, know that your increased alignment is not far behind. Stagnation and/or sleepwalking is not being permitted.

In this case, surrender again to upgrades and blissful development, and devote your attention to the health of your mind, body, and spirit for a few days, purposefully avoiding your desired creation in thought and word, and when you feel cleansed of disappointment, re-examined the failed situation, seeing clearly where it did not align with your purest feelings of joy and purpose, and upgrade your intentions from that new vantage point.