Changing Tides

In three days I'll get on an airplane and fly away West.
I'm feeling conflicted.

When I was writing my first blog (I feel the need to change 'em up every couple years or so,) I often wondered why I didn't get the type of readership that similar, but more dramatic blogs got. I spoke of maintaining mindfulness, and bringing general spiritual awareness to everyday life. I shared my struggles and triumphs, or so I thought, and was fully intending to make each person who read my blog's life a little bit better for having visited. Why did other writers, who spoke of grumpy times and arguments and pain get more love than I did?

I didn't get it.

Now, I think I do.

It's nice and all to have inspirational quotes and tips for being happy and fulfilled, no matter what you're doing. But it's hard to connect with someone who doesn't share her flaws and her difficulties. When I thought I was writing about my struggles, I was only choosing the easiest solved problems in my life to speak of. And it isn't as if I think it's beneficial for anyone to whine, complain, or bitch all the time, but on the other hand, what's the point of sharing a life in the way that blogs do if you don't actually share your life?

Back to that imminent flight.

Without airing too many personal details that belong to other persons and who it isn't my right to share, I'll say that just about every single aspect of my life is about to drastically change. For all intents and purposes, I'll be living a very different life in a week from now, and less than that, even.

Granted, on one hand I'm excited and optimistic and I am absolutely certain that the summer will be glorious. On the other hand, I'm scared. I don't know exactly what will happen. And although trusting the Universe/God is great (and what choice do we have anyway, once you really think about it,) lessons taught aren't always chocolate and rainbows. It will likely be hard in ways that I haven't thought of yet.

I'm a little bit psychic. Or a lot psychic. I know that may sound odd, but it's true. And rather than making life easier, this often makes life harder. Extrasensory perception isn't usually what it's portrayed as in the movies. I can feel others' emotions and often, if I'm asked to do so, I can sort of see the landscape of a person's life - their true life, struggles, and what they can do to go further along their path in the most harmonious way. But those things only apply to oneself so much, especially because doing what needs to be done is often much easier said than done.

For now?

I'm to wait.
Trust.
Have faith.
Breathe.
Find joy in every moment.
Focus on my body.
Be aware of everything around me and live as if every action, word, and thought is a sacred ritual.

See? Easier said than done. Especially that last one. With one glorious exception, I've never been able to maintain that state for more than 5 minutes or so...and I'm supposed to live it? All the time?

Argh.

In a meditation yesterday morning, I was given the following advice:

The reasons behind the change happening to you and to those around you are two fold: First, they are alerting you to the diverse possibilities of perception and experience. The Gaian dimension is shifting and thoughts are manifesting - but even more, emotions are manifesting. You are being shown what you are asking for via your focus and attention. If you do not like it, refine it. Bring life into every movement. Second, transitions are happening everywhere. Situations are solidifying for the next plateau of learning and experience, which will come mid June. The steps forward (and lack of) in the last cycle decided where you would be now.

Ok, I get it. So what happens, I suppose, is that life is split into kind of a plateaued step-shaped progression. We have a time of upheaval (which tends to often be more emotional than physical for me, although sometimes, such as now, EVERYTHING changes,) then a period of relative stability while we are given a chance to learn the lessons or achieve the potentialities for growth gifted us. Then, another transition comes, and all is repeated. Makes sense. Doesn't make it easier by much.

So, I guess, the moral of the current story is...life isn't supposed to be easy? Yet? I do know that once true Presence is attained, existence turns into more of a dance than anything else - and I know this because I have been Present for periods of time where everything smoothed out in the most beautiful and blissful way...but obviously, I ain't always there.

So tomorrow I will pack.

And Sunday I will fly. And once my plane lands, I'll step off of it a new me, in a familiar place, and see what comes.

Instead of seeing all the disorder and disruptions, instead of viewing it as your world falling apart, think instead that this is an opportunity to create something beautiful and better. ❤ ╰☆╮ ☯
All great changes are preceded by chaos.
~ Deepak Chopra